If you have been reading my blogs for very long, you know that , for a long time I had a belief that everyone around me was in on a secret to life that I was out of the loop on. I had this void that I was trying to fill. The thing was,

I didn’t know what the void was but everyone else seemed to have confidence and peace and I couldn’t figure out what they were doing that I was not.

I live in West Texas, which is a part of the bible belt. So, naturally, my story includes growing up in a Christian home, with wonderful parents whom I love and have immense gratitude for. They instilled in me compassion and love and the ability to meet people where they are, no matter where they are.

We went to church, learned about the Christian faith and how, if you accepted Jesus then, he would make you a new creation and you’d experience peace that passes all understanding and a new identity in Christ.

Right, so, I began this process at a very young age of seeking and learning, believing that at some point , I would find this peace, this acceptance that this was promising to give me.

Here is the thing about any faith, or spiritual practice, we believe or we do not believe, based on our life experiences and how that practice fits in our life experiences.

I became very passionate about God and dove in head first because , this void was large, and I was desperate to fill it.

The hard thing is , for me, that didn’t work. I was outsourcing my peace and it wasn’t until I took the time to look inward, that things began to shift. So there was some spiritual growth in there for me as well.

As humans, we seek purpose, we seek a Why, however, if the why is so that people will accept us, then our purpose will never be enough. 

I had someone tell me once, “you cannot go around the fire, you have to walk through.”

I believed that one day, I would work hard enough to be “let in the club,” to “be let in on the secret,” but it wasn’t until I realized that there is no secret to be known, no puzzle to be put together, that we are all doing the best with what we have, that I allowed myself to accept the peace that is already inside me.

 

In order to do that though, I couldn’t skip to the end. I couldn’t skip the scary parts, or fast-forward through the painful, sad , uncomfortable things. I had to walk through it all.

The cool thing is, no matter how painful, uncomfortable, or irritating the process is, there is nothing wrong with it. I am grateful for process and lessons learned.

I will leave you with this, in hopes that instead of looking at life as failure and success, acceptance or rejection, we see it as opportunity and growth.

There’s no one to perform for. There is just work to be done and lessons to be learned, in all that is around us. – Ryan Holiday

I am understanding now, the idea that without all of our thoughts and opinions on things, we would find that we are all okay. Life is pretty cool. Find what works for you, and do more of that.

 

Be encouraged,

Rachael