Sometimes I don’t know the title of the blog I am writing until I get into writing it. You know what I mean? When you have a topic on your mind, but you don’t really know how it will come about until you’ve written  it? That is where I am with this blog topic.

I started writing and blogging consistently about 2 years ago. It has been helpful. My goal is to write and leave my readers encouraged, no matter what the topic. I feel like I have accomplished that, no matter how deep or shallow the topic. This year, I set a goal to write a blog a week , and I did for about a few months, but for the most apart, they have been few and far between for me. I feel like I am losing motivation to write them. Recently, I have written a few blogs that were not my best, or , more so that I didn’t feel were my best. They felt more like I was feeling sorry for myself in a season, I am not sure that is how they came across, but that is how they felt. SO I would write them, delete them, re post them, and then finally, just leave them. What was that centered around?

My opinion of how they felt or would come across. They felt vulnerable, and I felt insecure.

I am starting to understand that opinions are poisonous and we all have a million of them on a wide variety of topics.

Walk this out with me : What determines what you do or do not do?

Yes, we have the concept of desire, the thought process, of ‘this sounds enjoyable, fun, or interesting, but we also have the influence of “what will people think of me if I do this thing, start this job, ask for help in this area? ”

And, no matter how much we think we are immune from opinions , or basing things on the opinions of others, there are still areas of our lives where the opinion of others matters. Some include:

Our jobs and the opinion of our bosses, jobs are essential to our human survival unless someone else is supporting you in some way

Our friends, We want to keep them around, connection is essential to fulfillment of life.

There are more, but I think you get the idea.

So, where is the balance between healthy consideration of the opinions of those we value around us, and still holding our own and not basing our decisions on whether people like it or not?

Stoicism and my mindfulness practice has really helped me gain a framework and understanding of what this looks like in my life. And I think that is the key.

Each of our lives is different, and we must be okay with the decisions we make personally because, at the end of the day, I live with my choices and decisions, and you live with yours. We each must separately weigh  those out . 

What is bad luck? opinion, What are conflict, dispute, blame, accusation, irreverence, and frivolity? They are all opinions, and more than that, they are opinions that lie outside of our own reasoned choice, presented as if they are good or evil. Let a person shift their opinions only to what belongs in the field of their own choice, and I guarantee that person will have peace of mind whatever is happening to them. – Epictetus

So what does it look like to only hold opinions in what belongs in the field of my own choice? To me , that has become a goal of mine. To understand that the only opinion that matters of mine is the opinion of the things which I have control over,  that which affects my life. Outside of those things, If I attach an opinion of what others are doing, or what I think they are “doing to me” . I will suffer every time. Alternately, that means, to me, what people do, the choices that they make, have nothing to do with me, but if I make a choice to insert my opinion, or wish that they were doing something different, I automatically submit myself to suffering.

 

So what is the goal in all of this?

For me, it is to remember that all humans naturally have opinions, but I do not have to change my mind , or change my decision because someone else thinks I should. I make choices because they line up with my morals, values and worldviews. And if they do , then I can be at peace with that.

 

Now, does that mean that I do not need to seek wisdom and accept correction from the trusted people in my life? No. In fact, when I detach from others opinion, I will be more likely to seek that out because I will know that the people around me are trustworthy and they will support whatever decision I make, and they will point out any red flags they see because they have my best interest at heart. 

I am still learning and fully understand that this is only my interpretation and perspective . But that’s what makes life.

Do you have trustworthy people in your life?

Do you need to reevaluate the relationships in your life?

What role do opinions play in your life?

Wash yourself clean. With simplicity, with humility, with indifference to everything but right and wrong. Care for other human beings.- Marcus Aurelius

Be encouraged ,

Rachael