Sometimes, what we are feeling in a specific moment does not match up with true reality.

This statement is a difficult one. We have moments where we feel threatened , like something bad is about to happen , like we are in danger . We have moments where we feel guilty, shameful, embarrassed. And in those moments, often – our mind begins a story line of how we have failed, how we are going to end up in the worse possible scenario, and our lives are going to be over. It is easy, when we buy into the story to suffer immensely.

But what if there is another option?

What if you chose to not buy into the story line? What would that look like? Have you even thought of that possibility.

Too often the feelings and narrative of how horrible we are becomes so ingrained in our minds, that the thought of something being different, or the story being false seems impossible.

I teach my clients to question their thoughts. To find evidence proving or disproving what they are thinking. We all do this, we have millions of thoughts that pass through our minds daily. The one’s we grab hold of are the ones that strike a chord with us based on a specific memory, feeling or emotion. If we do not take time to question what is truly going on, our minds will create a deeper imprint to reinforce feelings and opinions we hold on that subject.

 

Example: If girls were mean in  school and you haven’t dealt with that, a girl who looks at you funny at work because she’s not paying attention or is tired, will automatically turn into something personal toward you if you do not take a second to consider other options. Or guys bullied you and left you with a low self-worth. So now you avoid interactions with them in fear of rejection.

 

Questioning our thoughts, and finding alternative answers is difficult to engage in when the subjects and topics are rooted in trauma , abuse or neglect. But not impossible.

So what is the key to changing the narrative? : Acceptance and acknowledgement of choice.

You can believe what your mind is telling you , that you are a screw up, that you’ll never measure up, that you’re not worth it. And your life will eventually reflect that.

Or you can believe that you are doing well with what you have. That you are worth fighting for and being around, and your life will reflect that.

Your mind will be like its habitual thoughts, for the soul becomes dyed with the color of its thoughts. – Marcus Aurelius

When we lose sight of our ability to choose, we fall victim to our circumstances and beliefs, whether they are perceived or reality. However, we can choose to regain that control at any time.

Acceptance is also critical, not in the sense of “well dang, life sucks so I’ll sit here and mope.” But in the sense that it is okay to accept that in a moment you are feeling inadequate, vulnerable and sad. But you get to choose what you do after that. You can choose to live there, or create something beautiful, powerful and find strength in the lessons that live in those moments. But in order to move on, you must look , you cannot pretend it isn’t there.

Acceptance doesn’t tell you what to do. What happens next, what you choose to do, that has to come out of your understanding of this moment. Jon Kabat- Zinn

 

What are you avoiding?

Could you imagine what it would be like if you let it go?

 

Be encouraged,

Rachael