Growing up, I struggled with comparison. And , if I am not aware, my mind still gets in that trap today.

Look at him, he has everything he ever wanted. 

Look at her, she has the job I want, 

He’s reached a place in his career that I would kill for. 

They have the car I would love to have.

Man I wish I had their life, they just seem so successful and peaceful. 

We’ve all been there, right?

We see other people’s lives through rose-colored glasses, and if we are not careful, it breeds jealousy and tells us every place we are not measuring up.

Each one of us has been set on a path unique to us. We all have things pre – made within us that only we carry. I love this quote:

This quote use to irritate me .

Why do people keep telling me to be me? What does that even mean?

You know? When people say, ” just be yourself. That is good enough”

Then your brain goes into this scenario : “But when I am myself, people feel awkward. ”  “You say, be yourself, but each time I am, I get rejected. ”

Part of the problem here is that when we are working from this belief, most of the time , if we are completely honest, it is because we are comparing our lives to those around us.

 

Until we can accept all the parts of ourself. The parts we like, dislike, and wish were different, then we will suffer.

So, What are some concrete ways we can begin to walk in our lane? Lets look at some specific ways that we can begin to embrace who we are, and what we have to offer.

1. Take 5 minutes a day for about a week, or more if you need, and just reflect on the things you enjoy doing:  When we do this, with a gentle curiosity, we begin to foster acceptance. And we allow ourselves with out all of the self-deprecation, to begin to see what our likes and dislikes are. What our passion is. For me , when I embraced that I enjoyed music, conversations and making people laugh, I began to accept the fact that this sense of “making people feel awkward” was a tactic fear was using to keep me isolated and disconnected. I began to take chances and use my ability to play guitar and sing, to use it for the betterment of others around me instead of letting fear tell me that I was not talented enough and would embarrass myself if I sang in front of people. When I realized I enjoyed conversation, I began to take necessary steps to become a counselor because I care about people and seeing them  experience freedom.
2. When fear does creep in. Notice it, meet it with  curiosity: Feelings will come , they are a natural part of the human experience and in order to experience all life has for us, we must begin to meet each moment with compassion.

When I began to understand that I do not have to be controlled by my emotions, and I did not have to let what I felt toward or about a situation, person or circumstance cause a reaction that would negatively affect me and meet myself with compassion for what I was feeling instead, I experienced freedom.

I am not saying wallow in self-pity or feel sorry for yourself, I am saying that whatever you are feeling is okay, and it is important to care for yourself kindly and compassionately whatever your experience is.

All too often, we let what we feel about a situation dictate our perspective and steal our joy.  However, when we can meet ourselves with compassion instead of beating ourselves into the ground, we begin to experience freedom.

3. Do the exact opposite of what fear is telling you: If you are in a moment of comparison, not feeling good enough or worth it, put yourself in situations where you can prove yourself wrong.

If I have a thought that says , “you are not a good counselor.” I can choose to agree with that, and allow fear to influence my actions. I can choose to completely stop counseling, crawl in a hole and throw everything away. Or I can acknowledge that sometimes it is intimidating, sometimes I feel inadequate , but that does not make the statement fear is telling me, that I am not a good counselor, true. SO I do the opposite of what my emotions and feelings are saying. I acknowledge fear and anxiety is there, but I continue to push myself, meet my clients and grow and learn so that I can continue to be an effective counselor.

4. Become aware of your skills, talents and passions, and hone in on them so that you can be the best at it as you possibly can: Life does not hand you everything you ever wanted. You are going to have to work and practice and grow to be successful at your passions, but the work is not negative. The work you put in is what you will get out . You have so much to offer, however, if you do not know what you have to offer, people will miss out and that will be unfortunate.

5. Sometimes , thinking about doing this feels overwhelming and daunting: If the thought of figuring out who you are, what you like or do not like feels overwhelming and brings up anxiety. DO the opposite of crawling back into your hole. Reach out to someone who is trained in walking with people in this and helping people figure these things out. Counselors are helpful in this process. There are fun little tests you can take. They help you find  where you will thrive. And serve as a guide post in the process.

Find your Lane. You’ll be thankful you did.

 

What are your passions?

Where is your lane?

What steps do you need to take to find that lane?

Be encouraged,

Rachael