I am a big believer in the power of your story.

What got you to where you are? What did that process look like? I am also a big fan of owning your story, I guess because it has taken me a while to own mine.

We all are working daily to own our stories and to find peace where we are at.

Here’s the thing : feelings don’t last , we are continually having new experiences that bring different feelings and emotions with them. It is a part of life. It is the ebb and flow of how things work.

For so long I let other people’s opinions define where I was at in life, and that is where the suffering came from. I didn’t trust myself- that I knew what path I was on, and I needed other people to tell me what that was.

My process has been one of learning to be fully authentic no matter who people think I should be , or who I think they are expecting me to be.

And even more so, accepting that the “self” is always changing because we are growing. There are parts of us that are pretty consistent, but as we live life, and have different experiences, our perspectives shift and grow. This is healthy and helpful.

 

When I realized that the only person who had those expectations for me was me, then I was able to look honestly at my experience and heal.

So, who is Rachael? What consists of the person who is  Rachael?

Well, I hope I am portraying something like this:

She is open: Open to different walks of life. Open to whatever the day brings her. Open to fully experience people, life and living, fully aware that each moment is sacred and will never come again. And that each person, event and situation, if I allow it, has the potential to add value , joy and peace into the life I am living. She is open – minded and those around her experience acceptance and feel seen. Not that we agree on every topic, but that we are open to where each other are coming from.

 

She seeks growth: Continues to value understanding and different perspectives. For the longest time, I let other people dictate my growth. I let people tell me who I was or wasn’t , if I was secure or insecure, If I knew who I was or if I was still searching. Here is the thing though: I value growth, and will continue to seek that out, but it will no longer be out of approval or the feeling of needing to be “fixed.” I will grow because that is how I experience life, and I want all life has to offer me, because simply, it’s the only one I get.

She is mindful: I have written multiple times about the impact of mindfulness and how it has changed my life positively in more ways than I can count. Specifically, it has allowed me to put away the sense of perfection and lay all the expectations down real or perceived that I had for myself, or that I thought others had for me. It really has taught me to love myself for who I am – and has opened up space for me to heal from anger and resentment, and experience peace in my life. I hold so much gratitude for this practice and the people I have come into contact with that share in this practice. I am not a perfect person, but being mindful has given me permission to mess up, and to do better next time. To own my humanity and not judge myself or condemn myself for my mistakes.

She is messy: I mean.. I am. It’s true. It sneaks up on me sometimes. I’m working on it. But this doesn’t change or negate what I have to offer and my friends and family still love me so that’s cool 🙂

She serves those around her while still keeping boundaries : I want those around me to feel seen, to feel known. To know that they are valued. So, I work hard to be able to show love to those around me by acts of service. However, I know that I cannot give what I do not have, so I began to set boundaries in my life so that I could be more intentional. This has brought a lot of peace in my life.

She is grounded, determined  and focused: We can be focused, grounded, rooted in our belief systems, and still experience perspective shifts.  When we can find our Why, it is easier to set goals and reach them and spend less time focusing on what other people think about us.

There is a time and a place for input and direction from those around us, but it must be from people who truly know where we are, our goals, and purpose. Otherwise, it will deter and keep us in a cycle of seeking acceptance.

 

Ultimately, your choices are yours to make. Surround yourself with people who support you, challenge you and push you to be your best you. Then, you will find strength to look within and find the truth that has been inside of you all along.

How do you go about this?

Ask yourself these questions – and keep in mind this is not about placing blame or making judgments. It is about you.

• Is the correction and direction I am receiving aligning with the values and goals I have for my life?
• Do I leave conversations with people feeling confused and discouraged?
• Do I experience support from the correction or judgement?

If your answer is No to the first question, yes to the second question, and Judgement to the third, I would encourage you to ask yourself what it is that you are seeking from the people you are sharing with. If you are seeking validation, or feeling the need to gain acceptance re-evaluate your relationships. See if anything needs to shift or change.

Discernment is key. You know yourself better than anyone . If someone is portraying that they know you more than you know yourself. Let that be a red flag for a need for re-evaluation and to find safe people.

However, constructive criticism is helpful and not always comfortable. Therefore, if you are finding that you are uncomfortable but you know that those around you have your best interest at heart, I would encourage you to listen to what they have to say. Take what applies to you, and be wise enough to take their  feedback, and wise enough to toss what doesn’t apply.

Sometimes people do not experience us the way we would like them to. In those moments – self reflection is important. Why is it important that they see me the way I want them too? What can I do to change their perception?

The hard thing is, people are viewing us through their own perceptions – and we cannot force them to view us differently. We can only change ourselves.  If we spend our lives trying to gain that approval,  we will miss out on the beauty that life has to offer.

Most of all, find people who allow for your human nature to exist. Not to give excuses, but to accept that sometimes, life is difficult , and we need support and to love each other in our process. You have so much to offer, surround yourself with people who draw that out of you. Whatever it looks like.

Owning your story means you accept all the parts. The messy, the ugly,the flaws the broken, the beauty and the process. And know that you are whole and complete regardless of what has happened or will happen. 

When we can remove all the judgments, expectations and be fully present, we will realize that each moment will provide for it self – we simply need to be still. To be present.

What do you enjoy about the relationships around you?

Could things be different? What part do you play? Could you change something?

Are you experiencing peace?

 

Be encouraged,

Rachael