STORIES ARE THE COOLEST! I love getting to know people and hear where they are coming from.

We all have a story, a testimony, a process that has gotten us to where we are today. This includes pains, victory, heartache and joy and happiness… among a variety of other memories and moments. It helps mold and create who we are and who we want to become. People are a huge part of this process.

We are created for connection, yet that is the place where we are both healed and wounded.

Everyone has wounds, unhelpful coping skills, things they could do differently.

What would happen if we each looked inward and stopped pointing the finger at everyone else?

I think we would find that compassion and understanding are the key to building trust and relationships.

 I had this belief ingrained in me that there was a standard I needed to reach, but I couldn’t – and there was something fundamentally wrong with me because, from my perspective, everyone had answers and seemed to hold their stuff together  better than I could.

Is that belief true? Yes and no I don’t pretend to know everything, so yes, I can always learn and grow from those around me if I allow them to speak into my life, and open my heart to what they have to offer on the other hand, ultimately, the only person who can walk my path is me. And the only person who can walk your path is you and the standards that are set , we all  have the choice to move around freely. Nothing is set in stone. Furthermore, because of this, there is essentially no way that people can have the answers for us because we are all unique and what is true for me may not necessarily be true for you, and outsourcing our answers takes the fun out of the process. ( I use the word fun lightly here, because well.. sometimes it isn’t fun figuring things out.)

There is freedom in knowing and understanding that we have a choice in everything.

We have a choice in our belief system. We have a choice in the standards we set for ourselves or hold ourselves too. We have a choice in accepting and believing the things people speak over us.

How do we own our perceptions and meet people with compassion and understanding?

We all have a knee jerk reaction that tells us that people are being rude and intentionally  saying things to hurt us. Now, some are better at being aware of that than others. I struggle with assuming this sometimes. But If I can notice it and remind myself that we all have separate lenses that we see the world through, and it doesn’t make me more right than you, nor you more right than me. And if I can function from a place of compassion I can see that it is rarely about me. The person I am interacting has their own stuff going on and it is not a personal attack on me, then I can better meet each situation objectively. I have gotten better at this, and, for the most part, my life is pretty peaceful. And, when I can keep in the forefront of my mind that, we are all a part of this thing called humanity , and there is no such thing as perfection, then I see people not for what I assume they have done, but for who they are, the human, with feelings, fears, hurts, dreams and cool things to offer.

When we can let go of the idea of “better” “more put together” “good or bad” then it is simpler to be present. To be in the moment and whatever it holds.

 

Here’s the thing. We are all doing the best we can with what we have. We are all responding to life and situations based on past experiences . It’s just a part of life. It doesn’t mean we are holding on to things of the past, or maybe it does. I don’t really know your story.

That is the key , We don’t know each others story unless we get to know it. But first, we have to examine ourselves to see if we are honoring the people around us, and being honored by the people around us.

 

For the longest time, I believed that I had to share everything about me for 2 specific reasons. Number 1, if I shared it first, then there was less of a chance that I would get rejected. Number 2, Maybe I could find acceptance from those I shared with if they understood where I have been.

 

But , honestly, none of that worked. It left me feeling more rejected and less accepted. It wasn’t until I took a step back and realized that not all people deserve to know what I’ve walked through and the story within me. And, same goes for me, I have to earn the right to know the people around me. They have to know that I am safe and that I will hold whatever they share with compassion and openness.

Not that we agree on everything, but that there is a mutual respect, understanding and openness between us.

 

This has brought much peace in my life. Knowing that it is okay to be selective, that it is okay if I don’t want to share, and that there is no shame in not being an open book. And it is okay if people are not sharing with me. Hopefully those around me feel safe enough to know that I will honor where they are, but, for me, it would be naive of me to assume that everyone should share with me.

I strive in my friendships, my therapy room and just in life in general to be open and understanding with everyone I come in contact with. I am not perfect at it, but I continue to work at creating that environment. And that is all I can do.

 

I will leave you with this:

Are the people around you honoring what you are sharing with them?

How can you tell ?

• Do you regret after you share?
• Do you feel seen and valued ?

Is there something inside you that is stopping you from reaching out to people?

When we can take an honest look at the reasons for why we do what we do, we can become aware of the healthy , and unhealthy things we are doing, and create an environment for helpful change.

At the end of the day, the only thing we can control is our choices, responses, and own personal growth. But first we must view ourselves worthy enough to put in that effort.

“Erase the false impressions from your mind by constantly saying to yourself, I have it in my soul to keep out any evil, desire or and kind of disturbance – instead, seeing the true nature of things, I will give them only their due. Always remember this power that nature gave you.” -Marcus Aurelius

 

Reach out. Be brave. Be wise.

Be encouraged,

Rachael