What would you say if I told you that, more often than not, what we see as mountains, daunting and overwhelming, are actually tiny bumps that we can step over if we choose?
Would you tell me I was being insensitive?
Growing up, I spent the majority of my life playing a role of the screw up in the story line of not good enough or worthy enough that my mind had written for me.
It went something like this:
I would never reach potential. I made everyone around me feel awkward. I made situations awkward. I had no ability to handle emotions. I was too sensitive. I had no friends, the friends I did have were only friends with me because they felt sorry for me. I should set my goals pretty low because I don’t have the skill set to become much of anything.
I was trapped in a cycle of thinking I was worthless, believing that I had no future, and acting in ways that made sure that remained true.
You want to know something funny ? Though, I did do things out of hurt and insecurity that hurt those around me and pushed them away, the reality I experienced did not change people’s view of me.
No matter how much I believed that I didn’t deserve connection, it didn’t change the fact that people wanted to get to know me.
I need to be honest and tell you that this story line has been the hardest for me to let go of.
I cannot tell you why, I do not know that I am there yet, or that there is a reason. I just know that this mountain of unworthiness seems daunting and overwhelming, and at times – no amount of evidence that proves otherwise is helpful.
The practice of mindfulness has helped me tremendously though. See, because now, what I can tell you is that I am attached to this story line , and that more than likely those around me see this mountain in my life, this obstacle , as a molehill, that literally, if I’d just take a step, I’d be free. Like jumping off the diving board, or the side of the pool into the water for the first time. There is anxiety, fear, and you are scared. But when you jump in, you’re glad you did. Logically, I can tell you this. But it doesn’t take away the fear, the feelings .. the story my mind is telling me.
Where you are , no matter if you are staring at a molehill that you think is a mountain, no one can choose for you to see differently. It is your work. Its your timing. Wherever you are, own it, be there.
The cool thing about people who value you and support you is they will not be afraid of challenging you, they will not pressure you, but they will celebrate with you when you realize your breakthrough.
I’m not there yet. But I am way closer than I realize. And for that I am grateful. Life is so good to me, I have no complaints.
What does that look like for you?
Does it scare you to think that the story may not be true?
What would it take for you to take the jump and embrace the obstacle?
You can do it.
Be encouraged,
Rachael
