For a long time, I found myself overwhelmed a lot of the time. I would let my feelings and emotions toward a certain situation or event drive my actions. For example:
If someone was annoying me, I’d do one of a couple of things. I’d either yell at them and tell them everything that was wrong with them and the situation. Or, I’d get physical, pushing them up against something, hitting etc..
Here’s the deal : Emotions and feelings do not last forever.
See: for a long time, I believed that the only solution to any inconvenience , irritation , or moment of being uncomfortable was to act on whatever I was feeling, and it would solve the issue.
Think back to your own life and moments that you’ve acted on your feelings and emotions. Did it solve anything?
Sure: it was a temporary fix to my moment of annoyance or irritation. But did it foster contentedness and relationship? No.
It actually did the opposite. When I chose to react out of a place emotion or what I was feeling, the outcome usually ended in something like this.
“I don’t know that I want to share with Rachael, she may yell at me. ”
“Why does your sister get upset so easily?”
“Rachael, Calm down. It really isn’t that big of a deal.” – This last one took me a while to understand. But it must be a big deal because I am feeling (fill in the blank.) If I wasn’t feeling such things, then it would mean it’s not a big deal. SO because I am feeling this, I must react.
Here’s the thing though. If you get nothing out of this post. Get this. : Feelings and emotions are not good or bad. They are simply a response to a situation. Secondly, Feelings often lie to us.
So, if the answer to getting off of the roller coaster is to not hold on to your feelings, what do we do now?
Something that was truly life transnational for me was the notion of Reacting Vs. Responding.
Feelings and thoughts, emotions and circumstances are not eternal. They will move on if we allow them. It is when we grab on to what we are thinking , feeling and experiencing in a moment and believe it to be absolute truth, that is when we get on the roller coaster. When we grab on to these moments as absolute truth, this is when we react. But let me offer you another option.
Responding.
Let me give you a mental picture of what the difference between reacting and responding looks like for me.
Reacting; Someone told me my house was a wreck. I then react by saying: Well your car is a disaster, and you know what , you are really tacky and rude. …Then I go tell a friend… Did you know what she told me.. I just feel like she is high and mighty and thinks she’s got it all together.
Responding: Same person told me my house was a wreck. Then I RESPOND by saying, (in this situation, ) Yeah, I probably could pick up a bit more.. or something of that sort.
Whats the difference here?
In the reaction: I took what was told me as an attack on me personally,
In the Response: I was able to see outside myself and see the messy house as being neutral. Simple facts.
One specific thing that helped me sort all of this out was the practice of mindfulness that was introduced to me. A simple description of mindfulness can be found in a previous blog I wrote. Mindfulness and its Impact on my Life
You can get off the roller coaster. I can say this , because I have. If you have questions; or would like to schedule an appointment. Please feel free to reach out to me. You can find me on Facebook too.
Be encouraged ,
Rachael
