This word . We do a lot of it . We wait for food in the drive through, or star bucks, lines in general. We wait to see if we passed the comprehensive exam we just took. We wait in anticipation of a text or reply back from the person we just reached out too. We wait to see if that one friend we have will “ever get married ” or stay single the rest of their lives, like the latter is bad. We wait a minute between tasks because the last task we did has us in a bit of a stress hangover. These things are not inherently good , or bad, they are just experiences. However, what we do in the waiting period does have a possibility to paint our next experience in a positive or negative way, or it can be neutral. It is our choice.
I know I talk about mindfulness a lot. But its important to me. It has honestly changed my life. See, in my waiting periods, I have, in the past, allowed them to send me into deep, dark spirals that take a long time to dig out of because of the stories that I would come up in the space of the unknown. I would allow my thought life to run ram-pit(I am not sure that is the word, or a word, but we will go with it) , and I would have anxiety and panic attacks that would wipe me out for days. My current experience could have the same affect on me if I were unaware and allowed it too. Let me tell you all the reasons I have to allow myself to be thrown into chaos
- I am single. 27 and single. My faith and religion tells me that I should not be happy in this, and that I need a husband. My next step into “happiness ” is with a husband and a family. – Well that is not my experience so I must be a failure and suck at life , Right? FALSE . I have the ability to go and do whatever I want, when ever I want, and If I want to clean I can, or .. I don’t have too..
- Do I want a family? Yes, but that does not mean my life sucks until this happens.
- SO , what do I do? Wait. I enjoy life , and the season the Lord has me in now, and if I happen upon a spouse and a family, cool . If not. Cool. I’m good, either way.
- I may or may not have passed the test that determines if I graduate.. I don’t know- It must mean I failed. I probably don’t have a clue what I am doing, and am a misfit for any type of success in life, because, I suck at life. –Still Not true. I have a calling on my life given by a much more powerful being than a test could ever determine. If I passed it, cool, I will move on to the next step. If I failed it , cool. I will re take it.
- Do I think I passed? Yes. I think I did. But does that make it 100 percent that I did? NO. Do I think I failed? Probably not, but I may have.
- What do I do . I Wait. I sit where I am . Take in all that my experience is , in this moment. And go on about my business, and enjoy the moment I have right now.
- I have been experiencing a bout with a steady, heavy feeling of anger. I feel nausiated. I feel hazy. I feel like I want to punch someone. I feel clamy and light headed when I sit with it. I feel like I could slip into a depression. Its hard to wake up in the morning. That must mean I am a failure at life and everyone hates me, and I am unable to handle any stress or emotions. Also, it means that if I am around you, you feel like you must have done something to upset me , or need to make me feel better. – Wrong. The way I am feeling does not change the person I am. I am still able to function in life, hold down a job, and move through the hazy , nauseating feelings I am having. I also am able to not punch anyone. You’re welcome. If I feel down. Cool , it will pass, and I will do what I need to do in that moment. If I make a mistake in moments of dark times, I will right what I need to , own my mistakes and apologize to those whom I have hurt. And make a change in my coping strategies.
- Am I always going to act in a way that pleases everyone all the time? No. But it does not change who I am . Do I think I am a horible person who sucks , maybe but I don’t have to act on that. Just because the thought comes, does not make it true.
- What do I do. I sit. I wait, I take each experience as it comes, let it pass and do what I need to do to care for myself in each moment. That is all we can do.
What are you doing to care for yourself in your waiting? Are you aware of how you are treating yourself? Does anything need to be adjusted?
You are here now. What are you going to do with it?
Be encouraged friends
Rachael
