I don’t like emotions. Somewhere down the line, it got in our heads that showing emotion means weakness. This is prevalent in men. Our society expects them to be tough and strong. Emotions are not that symbol. To some. I have worked very hard at keeping my emotions in check. I.e. figuring out how to not show them. I am completely fine with others showing their emotion and feelings , but for some reason, it is not okay for me to.
This has manifested itself in high anxiety, aggression, the occasional punch or harsh word attacking someone’s character. But more often than not it shows up in high sarcasm, glares and a bad attitude.
But whether I like it or not, I am still expressing emotion and feelings. My mind just tells me that it is safer to express it through my defense mechanism.
I am not fooling anyone. Not even myself.
Rationally, I think we all know that it is healthier to let our bodies do what they do, release the toxins and tension that builds up when we experience feelings. I get that.
But it’s still not fun. And no matter how much our mind is screaming
Danger. Run. Hide.
when we feel anxiety, anger or any other feeling.
The healthiest thing to do is to lean into our experience. For, if we run, we just stuff it deeper and the infection gets worse. We still have to deal.
Right now, my experience sucks . A lot. And I may or may not throw mental tantrums inside myself, but this too shall pass, and I will be grateful at the end of it.
I think.
Maybe.
Be encouraged,
Rachael
Accepting The Peace 
Very true. Society teaches men that we have to be tough. We have to be the ones to keep it together when all things around us seem to be falling apart. But our emotions are deeply personal and are an admission of our own vulnerability in how situations affect us. As men we don’t want to give away our poker tells to reveal either the superior hand or the poor hand of the cards we have been dealt. We do view the world as adversarial because we do witness both good and bad people in it. Some people will exploit your weaknesses, because of their own insecurities and they feel like they must distinguish themselves as superior to one person or another. We are admonished in Proverbs as follows: “Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.” [Proverbs 4:23 NLT] So we often do so, by clamming up and closing in very honestly felt emotions to protect ourselves. It is important, however, to know whom we need to trust and who we need to avoid sharing with. Not everyone is mature enough or personally secure enough to keep another’s confidence or to “Bear ye one another’s burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ.” [Galatians 6:2 KJV], as Paul writes to the Galatians. Find a trusted friend. One who will pray with you, and not sit in judgement of you for confronting and expressing your honest feelings. Above all, as the Proverbs says, guard your heart. Give experience some time to teach you who those people are in your life that you can trust or be that one in who others can feel and share that way too. God created us to be social creatures. We need mature friends, who are there for us not just in the good times but in the bad ones too. Bless you, Miss Rachael. Stay safe. Praying for you that you will find someone whom you can lean on as well when you feel weak or have a bad day. “A person who has friends may be harmed by them, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” [Proverbs 18:24 NET] Remember that on the best of days, even our trusted friends may fail us, but you do have One who is always there listening and waiting for you to share every private cry of your heart. His judgment, he placed on His own precious shoulders for you, so that you are without condemnation. You cannot surprise Him or turn Him off with how you feel. Start there, and look for those in your experience who reflect that full acceptance that He demonstrates so perfectly. You will find them, because they shine.
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