I believe it was in 2010 that I wrote those words, and finished the song to say “so easily spread, but not so easily claimed.” Let me share the rest of the words with you before I continue.

 

Blame, Its a funny thing. So easily spread, but not so easily claimed. And Oh Its harder still to admit I was wrong, and swallow that pill. 

Cause I have lived my life thinking that you had something over me. But now I realize that it was nothing more than this – that which I gave to you. So now , if it be alright, I’ll take it back . Thanks for your time. 

 

 

I wrote those words in a season of anger. Of insecurity. I wrote those words for every time I felt hurt , rejected. Kind of as an “I’m taking my ball and going home .”  But that was just the beginning. This song began a journey of healing. Of facing pain. pain that I thought was caused by people. It became a declaration of me taking my life back, and I do believe it is prophetic. Because you see, this song has re surfaced in my heart because, in an effort to “take my life back.” I didn’t catch the root . Not until now. See, I had this deep seeded idea that people knew how to live my life better than I did and because of that, I had a victim mentality, that I just deserved what I was putting my self into because I did not know any better. So i continued down this path of what I thought was healing, and I do believe some healing came from it. But .. heinsite is 20 20 , and I now see that I was just walking deeper into a life of co dependency, blame of other people, and not taking responsibility for my own life, and the path the Lord actually wanted me on.

So, I am learning that good intentions do not hold if you do not actively guard your heart. Let me explain. In the previous seasons, I did not guard my heart. I let any and everyone speak into it and took everyone’s (literally) advice, words and opinions as whole truth. This left me feeling isolated, lonely and defeated. Why? Because I believed that I would never know how to “do life right.” and That I was lacking the social skills that everyone else had to do life “right.” Satan had me  trapped.  You know the verse that says “He comes like a thief in the night, to  steal, kill and destroy.? ” MAN that was me. I had allowed him to put me right where he wanted me. So much so that I would hear truth and it would make me sink even deeper into the pit. “How could this God who speaks of this love and compassion and freedom be real if I am not experiencing that reality?” Do you know that it is okay to question God? Someone needs to hear that it is. Thats the place. The place of pure honesty , where God can come in and begin to truly heal you.  How did I get here? Let me tell you.  So to start, you need to know that I value wisdom from those around me . I believe you can learn from anyone. But here is the kicker Yes , you can learn from anyone, but that does not mean that everyone should hold space in your thoughts or hold weight in your journey . Does that make sense? See, If everyone can speak into our lives and everyone’s opinions matter, then , that means there is no room for the real truth from the people God wants to use in our lives. See, I had created an Idol out of people. I had allowed people to live my spirituality and walk with the Lord.. This was and is unhealthy for both me, and the people who held this spot. See, because, at some point .. this Idol would fall. People aren’t meant to hold that place. Only God is. When that Idol fell, I was devastated. See, my foundation was not in the Lord, it was in people. Now, that does not mean that I did not have a strong faith, but it did mean that my eyes were not fixed on God.

 

Where does that leave me now? Now. This song means a totally different thing to me. It is a song of healing. true healing. A declaration of not going back to places I have been. Of pressing forward into the cross and the plans God has for me. See, this time last year was a horrible season. I was depressed. Trying to keep a relationship alive that was not reciprocated, and was not healthy. But now, I am experiencing life in a powerful way. The way the Lord meant for it to be. So, I write this as an encouragement. What are you holding on to? Who has your attention? Are you trying to squeeze out the last bit of a relationship, Job, season that the Lord is telling you to step away from, but you are too scared of the unknown to let go? My friend. Trust the Lord when I say, Letting Go will be the best thing you have ever experienced in your life. You are valuable, you are worthy. You are enough. Not because I say so, but because the Lord says so.

And the very hairs on your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are more valuable to God than a whole flock of sparrows – Luke 12:7

 

Be encouraged my friends. Much Love

-Rachael